If Cats Could Invent a Language
Here's a surprising fact: adult cats rarely meow at other cats. Meowing is mostly something cats do to communicate with humans. Kittens meow to their mothers, but many adult cats seem to keep the habit because it works on us.
So if cats invented a full language, what would it sound like? Science — and the internet — have some ideas.
The Counterintuitive Truth: Cats Already Adapted Their Language for Us
Cats didn't need to invent a language for humans. They adjusted the one they had. Researchers have found that cat meows can vary by situation and by individual cat-owner relationship.
We call this human-tuned meowing: a vocal system shaped by living with people.
What Cat Communication Really Includes
| Signal | Likely meaning |
|---|---|
| Meow | Attention, requests (mostly to humans) |
| Purr | Contentment — but also self-soothing when stressed |
| Trill / chirp | Friendly greeting |
| Hiss | Warning |
| Slow blink | Relaxed trust |
| Tail up | Friendly approach |
| Head bump | Scent marking and bonding |
A 2020 study led by researchers at the University of Sussex found that cats were more likely to approach people who slow-blinked at them — evidence that the slow blink works as a positive signal between cats and humans.
If Cats Designed Grammar
A cat language might have:
- No future tense — only "now" and "food soon"
- Many words for napping spots
- One word for "the red dot"
- Politeness levels for humans vs other cats
- Body language as punctuation — tail flicks as question marks
We call this feline priorities grammar: a language built entirely around comfort, hunting, and control of the household.
The Internet's Cat Languages
Humans already invented cat languages online.
LOLcat (2007)
"I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?" — broken, confident, hungry.
LOLCat Translator · How LOLCat Changed Internet Culture
UwU (Kawaii Speak)
"Hewwo, feed me pwease uwu" — perfect for kittens.
Doge (a dog, but cats won't admit it)
"much nap. very sunbeam. wow."
Emoji
🐱🍗❓ — a complete cat sentence.
Cat-to-English Dictionary (Unofficial)
| Cat action | Translation |
|---|---|
| Knocks glass off table | "Pay attention to me." |
| Sits on keyboard | "Your work is less important than me." |
| Stares at wall | "You wouldn't understand." |
| 3 a.m. zoomies | "I have urgent business." |
| Brings you a "gift" | "You are a terrible hunter. Learn." |
Cats in Fictional Languages
- In Skyrim, the cat-like Khajiit speak in third person: "Khajiit has wares, if you have coin."
- The Cheshire Cat in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland speaks in riddles.
- Garfield communicates mostly through thought bubbles.
Explore the Elder Scrolls further with the Tamrielic Translator.
What Experts Say
Phonetics researcher Susanne Schötz of Lund University, author of The Secret Language of Cats (2018), has studied variation in cat vocalisations, including how cats change pitch and melody in different situations. Her work suggests cats have a richer vocal repertoire than many owners notice.
Where Cat Communication Is Heading
Researchers and startups are experimenting with apps and AI models that attempt to classify cat vocalisations. We predict AI tools will get reasonably good at identifying basic cat moods — hungry, stressed, content — but will never fully "translate" cat speech, because much of the meaning lives in body language and context.